Forgetting

It's been so long I forgot my log-in information. But I haven't forgotten you, Nik. I see you in the lake and on the mountain. The pain pierces like a sharp rock scraping against my skin. I want to be close to you. But then, I see an eagle flying across the Long Bridge, and the waves against the sky and the purple mountains-the beauty takes my breath away.

So I keep chipping away at the grief. I still cry at least once a day, and then, I put my armor back on and go out for battle. I have longer moments of awareness and I can laugh again. I hope that I appreciate the wind and the eagle more now, aware how fragile life can be.

I turned 51 but you did not come to me in my dreams. Or if you did, I don't remember. But I still think about you every day. I miss your hands, your blue eyes, your smile and your cooking.