Dear Nik

Dear Nik,

It's Christmas Eve and the snow falls out of the sky like candy, sweet and delicious, innocent and free. I got the plow stuck and you weren't here to dig me out. I raged, I cried, my tears sticking to my face like icicles. I put the chains on the back tires, and somehow managed to get myself out of the hole of snow.

We have a fireplace now and I think you would have enjoyed starting the fire, making flames always amused you. DaNae and I have gotten pretty good at it (we have too). She misses you terribly. You were like her dark twin, and you were always there for each other, in spite of the bickering and differences in personalities.

Cholo wants a boy for Christmas, but he's stuck with me. He drives with me in big blue, and your Aunt Jenny calls us DeCholo plow company. He sleeps on my bed at night. Remember how you would call him on the bed when I did my homework so you could sit with him, and me. I miss that. I miss your voice and your smile. I miss the thought of you growing up.

Tomorrow is Christmas and you are not here to cook breakfast, open presents, and prepare the auderves we would bring to Christmas dinner.

Schweitzer has opened and after the holidays I will bring some of your ashes to headwall. I promise to make that run every trip. Ryan is going to bring some of you up to your favorite spot, a place to hellacious for me to even think of attempting.

When I die and go to heaven, I'll be in good company. When I die and go to heaven, I hope that you will wait for me.