Saturday, November 8, 2014

Gratitude

After Nik died, it was difficult to be thankful, count my blessings, or be grateful for anything. November is gratitude month, and with the passage of years, I can say that my cup runneth over. I have a warm fire and plenty of wood for winter, furry horses and a barn full of hay to keep them fat and sassy, an assortment of indoor pets that keep me entertained and feeling full of love, wonderful family and friends, music, words, the colors of fall, a car that runs, a truck with a plow to move winter's snow, and soft toilet paper.

Of course, right after Nik died, the month of November felt like a bitter burden, and I couldn't recite the Lord's Prayer or the Serenity Prayer. But I got out of bed every morning and made the drive to school. I moved to Sagle right before the weather turned, and had a new to me house to organize and put together. At the time, I didn't know how I could manage, but now I'm grateful I had something to keep my occupied, so I didn't always dwell on the emptiness Nik's death left, and the ever present missing.

If you are newly bereaved, I can testify that with the passage of time, the emptiness and the missing becomes lighter, and I have come to a place where I am better able to let the little things go, to stop and count my blessings, and to laugh and cry with wreckless abandon. My path has widened, and I have more than I can say grace over.

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