Anger turned upside down = depression

It pisses me off that so few mention your name. That they put me on a pedestal because I didn't relapse when you died. That the rain falls as surely as my tears. That you died and I miss you everyday. That I didn't get a big enough scholarship to go to grad school. Didn't I work hard for it? Don't I deserve it? When I was in college, I had a goal, and that kept me going in a positive direction. That gave me a purpose. And now, I feel lost. And anger burns, so I hold it in and now I have a blister growing in my brain. But even the blister doesn't erase the guilt, the loss, the hopelessness I feel. I'm like a dog paddling through the sewer and the smile that I pasted on my face to fake my way through every hour has turned into a bitter grimace. Why didn't you wear your seatbelt?